hot shit..

...let me tell you, i don't know what I ate last night, but oooh, did it hurt.
sometimes, when i eat something my body doesn't like, it rejects it, as anyones does.
mine seems to have a special talent. when i was in mexico, i ate a pasta dish with cooked shrimp, something i normally avoid. at about 3am that night, i woke up, got the sweats, and knew what was happening. Went to the bathroom, threw up, and, wouldn't you know it, it was just the shrimp. Everything else stayed down. My body is usually good that way.
Last night at about 11, i got the same feeling, only coupled with that feeling you get when you have a lot of gas that just won't work its way down so you can release it, you know?
so, i went to be near the bathroom, but nothing wanted to come up.
so, i sat back down, and the ol tum tum started a gurgling.
then, suddenly, i thought i was gonna crap my pants.
ran to the bathroom to unload some really lovely stuff from the back end, some solid, most not!
great. feel better? not, really, but, a, bit.
10 minutes later, go again. more squirt, less solid.
ok, i'm good.
nope, 15 minutes later, again. this time i just sat on the terlet and played gameboy, cuz i knew it would keep coming. and did it ever. I finally felt there couldn't be anything left, and went back to watch the tube. then to bed. and would'nt you know it, after being in bed 20 minutes, a little more wanted to force its way out.
and oh how the tum tum was a rumbling and gurgling till i fell asleep.
i stayed home today.
the feces are much more solid, but the ass is on fire
damn trader joe's indian cuisine

congratulations..

to aaaaaaaaaaron. You, so far, are the only one that i know of to discover this, my yucky blog. you poor poor man!

ok, so, for this week. The spot on my left nostril (no, MY left), basically, the end of the nostril flap, where it meets the round end of the nose, at the top. that spot. it hurts. i don't know why. this happens sometimes, i'm guessing i have a zit in there. i'm thinking its from all the picking, but i dont know. all i know, is, it hurts to the touch. OUCH.

it fused shut!

..so, my little friend who was chafing yesterday. I went home and put on tight underwear that i bought for yoga, to keep the little fellow in place. it worked pretty well. when i checked him out last night, he had a black line along the left edge of the hole. i couldnt tell if it was scab or just from the black underwear.

anyways, i woke up this morning and checked him out, and he was fused shut. weird. so, i gave him a little squeeze around the hole. no pain, but some clear liquid bubbled at each end of the hole. don't know if it was healing fluid, or just normal nightly emissions trapped by the fusing. so, i got him open, cleaned him off, peed, and all seems to be well. he's a little sensitive, but i think he's gonna be okay.

phew

today...

..well, my ass isn't bleeding anymore. I'm still a bit sick....


..you ever feel like yr boxers are lightly chafing the end of yr member? it was happening today. I don't know what happened, but i checked it out in the bathroom. The hole of the urethra is all bright red, and wicked sensitive. what the hell is that all about? so, i wanna walk around with no pants, but i'm at work
damn

by the way

lepracetic was a word i created.
i oft joke with friends that, when they are sick or have a big zit or something weird on their skin, that they have leprosy (how do you spell that? leprasy? leprocy?, anyways).
So, one day i said to someone that they looked 'lepracetic'
so
there you go

Grandma. I never stopped...

...when i was little, i used to pick my nose, all the time. And i ate it too. all the time. I remember how it tasted. (c'mon, be honest, when its winter and really cold and your nose runs uncontrollably, you end up tasting that, and its not bad). I remember my bitchy grandmother yelling at me, dragging me outside, scooping up a cup of dirt with a measuring cup, and yelling at me to just eat that, its the same thing. bitch.
i don't know when i stopped eating it, but i did. years ago.
but
i still pick my nose
all the time

my ass is bleeding...

....yeah, so, i've been kinda sick for the last 3 days. woke up sick saturday, got worse sunday, took monday off, and now i'm here at work, but i feel like crap. its like a cold, but i feel feverish and a bit dizzy. no nausea, thankfully. but, over the weekend, i was very gassy and had to shite a lot. of course, every time i went, it was just a little. but, by the fifth time on saturday, i looked in the bowl when i was done, and it was all red. kinda like when you eat beets. i hoped it was because i was drinking pomegranite and blueberry juice (all i had left), but i learned the better when it came time to wipe. i shit soo much a cut my ass. not bad, just a little cut, but anyone who has experienced this before knows that it bleeds a good bit. blood in the toilet is weird looking. and now, every time i shite, it bleeds. great. i know it'll heal, but it puts yucky thoughts in my head about shit getting into my blood stream and all that.
the first time my little pooper ever bled was about 8 years ago. I was in the shower (this is weird to type out), cleaning the ol area, and felt what i thought was a dingleberry. so, i grabbed it with my thumb and first finger. OUCH. not a dingleberry. maybe a hemmoroid, i'm not sure. I've never had bad hemmoroids, like, really painful or nuthin, but sometimes the ass flaps hang out i guess. getting older is wierd. So, yeah, i grabbed, it hurt, and i bled for like a week.